My Husband Lost His Job

Yesterday, my husband was fired from his job. A job he had for 17+ years. The reason given was poor performance but the truth is he wasn’t a yes man and management didn’t like that. He got no severance package, unemployment will be 1/4 of what he made a week, and our health insurance ran out at midnight.

I’m scared to lose everything. I don’t know how we will pay the bills, celebrate Christmas, and eat on my paycheck. I don’t know if our kids being adults makes this harder or easier.

I keep saying we are going to be ok, but I don’t know if we are. I can’t let on how scared I am because my husband is a mess. I have to be strong for both of us. Someone tell me it’s going to be ok, please.

I’m an old woman, and I’ve been in your situation more than once. It’s going to be ok. You will have to tighten your belts; and maybe Christmas this year will have to be very, very lean. But you and your husband have each other and your children; that’s a lot, really.

It’s terrible that he lost his job. Some of it might be that they can get someone younger for less. That type of ageism in employment happens often. Even with the pandemic, with a new year will come new job openings, and he will find something maybe better than before.

Best of luck to you, and to him. Hope he keeps his chin up and doesn’t let the bastards get him down. You, too.

I can relate to a lot of your post-I had something similar happen three years ago. Based on your post, I’m significantly younger than you. I sincerely hope that I’m being helpful rather than ignorant in drawing these comparisons/offering suggestions.

I lost my job 3 days before Christmas in 2017. I came home to 1 year old daughter/her stay at home mom an absolute wreck. It took me a few days to really come to terms with what had happened, and my partner’s reaction was not as graceful as yours appears to be. You’re right to give him a few days. I hope he’ll bounce back.

As far as my financial situation went, I’d been interested in personal finance and had a pretty decent emergency fund built up. I’m hopeful that you have some form of savings. If you have the luxury of time, you may consider attempting to brush up on your personal finance acumen in order to make tight financial decisions more effectively. Being prepared takes a lot of stress out of making harder financial choices. Talking to a professional financial advisor may also be beneficial to figure out what resources to draw from first.

I was unemployed for nearly 7 months. To be honest, it absolutely sucked. I accepted a job in a new industry with an extremely far-out start date. I even took a $10k pay cut, but I made the decision to go into a more stable industry. I think it was the right move; I just got my 3rd promotion in 3 years.

I had to supplement my emergency fund after a while. I worked odd jobs here and there to offset the income. In hindsight, I should have just taken a job I was overqualified for, but these are strange times and that might not be as easy right now. Unemployment was helpful for groceries and a utility bill or so, but not much beyond that. We took the time to re-examine our discretionary/non-discretionary expenses and cut out the stuff we didn’t need. Found ways of cooking at home more cost effectively. Found ways to save money on the stuff we needed to maintain our house. There was a lot of uncertainty. Mapping out a budget and seeing it all laid out on a spreadsheet really helped with my anxiety, though.

The best part of those hard times was getting all that extra time with my little girl. I will cherish that time to bond with her for the rest of my life.

It might not be easy, but I wish you the best. I hope that he finds something suitable to him and pays enough, too. I hope he works in an industry with a strong demand for his labor and that finding new work will bring him fulfillment and peace. May you have a wonderful holiday season and still enjoy your time together.

Sorry for this hardship.

I was a contractor for 18 years so I have some good advice for weathering such a storm. 1. Don’t burn up all your savings and 401k before getting help. 2. Immediately apply for unemployment. 3. Immediate see mortgage, Covid, auto and consumer debt protection, forbarrance, yadda. 4. Employers say mean shit to feel better about firing long term employees. The truth was they didn’t want to pay is retirement. Check with an employment attorney to see if you have a case. (Likely not but check). 5 The chance of getting a good job over the holidays is really small. Look to a better next year. 6. Never too late to go back to college or change a career.

First, are you sure what they did was legal? I know the last thing you wanna do is run up bills but when a company I worked for was laying off people and I ran into visa issues, they tried to put the mistake on me and let me go without severance. A friend referred me to some non-profit org where they advised me, got me to escalate this isse by raising a formal complaint via my direct manager (they said to ask him, coz I said I trusted him). They did a turn-around, said they’d investigate but give me my severance (as though doing me a favour), and then some months later sent an email saying the investigation found the majority fault on my part (I wasn’t the one that filed the wrong paperwork, but they claimed I didn’t “co-operate” when HR offered a “fix”) but by then I was home with my full severance so..

Edit: the non-profit was something like legal aid I think? I wasn’t from that country so unfamiliar with local government programs. It doesn’t seem like OP is from Scotland but I could google a bit, see if any names ring a bell if she actually is.

Tell her the name of the nonprofit org!

(OP, if he’s been with the company for 17 years, there should be a paper trail of performance appraisals, annual reviews, or whatever they’re calling them now.

Hubby should contact HR and formally request a copy of his file, going back to the first year.)

In the US, they don’t need a good reason to fire someone in any state except Montana. They don’t owe severance unless he had a contract stating otherwise. As someone who worked in several factories, it’s very likely that he didn’t. A few states mandate that they pay out his unused sick/vacation time off, but that’s it. It’s probably worth a brief consultation with a lawyer to find out if they’d be able to negotiate some kind of severance, but I might not be too optimistic.

Not sure if you’re US or not, but it is currently Open Enrollment for Marketplace health insurance plans. Based on your income you may qualify for Medicaid in your state. Also call your old doctor’s office to find out if they do a sliding fee scale for uninsured patients while you look into option.

Again, based on if you’re US or not you may qualify for SNAP benefits, or may be able to utilize a food pantry nearby if you need to put money elsewhere, like housing costs.

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I hope you both get back securely on your feet. Keep your head up.

Also, finally, if you do consult an employment attorney, check out your local legal aid office, they may have free or low cost legal help available.

Hi, I’m 27 and this happened a few years back with my parents and we also experienced a foreclosure. It was sad and hard but all I can tell you is hang in there and life goes on. My older sister and her husband make quite a bit more money than the rest of us but elected to stay uninvolved as it’s “not their problem” but my twin and I did pitch in and the 4 of us found a place and my dad found a new job he enjoys a lot more. I think you’re lucky your kids are grown. From my perspective having been on my own for over 5 years made helping my parents easier, and I know not everyone feels obliged to parents deeply but I hope your family comes together to support you in any way possible. Being strong isn’t always a strong feeling it’s more like endurance. Just keep breathing and make sure to take a moment to tune out each day. Hang in there, and you will learn to appreciate life more deeply.

First of all, it will be okay. Second, sign onto employment straight away. Contact mortgage company etc see if they can give a payment break if needed. Forget big Christmas presents, it’s not worth getting in debt over. Christmas can be a good time for temp work like postal sorters, store work, warehouse work etc. so sign onto agencies nearby ASAP and take anything that’s offered. Remember these are not careers. In my experience I know a lot of people who felt they were too good/too experienced for these types of jobs and it really set them back. Search for new job in the new year. Finally, this is temporary things will get better.

Children are incredibly smart, they will be able to pick up on a change and they will have a level of confusion (depending on their age of course). It’s best to be honest to your children. Tell them that dad isn’t working at the moment and that means you’re going to have a smaller Christmas. Tell them in a way that works for you, but be honest and their reaction will only be a reciprocation of how you have raised them.

During the meantime, you can start budgeting, start getting prepared — I know it’s stressful, I know what poverty looks and feels like, but don’t ever let it take away your power. You’ve got this. Be smart, be savvy and don’t be afraid to let your emotions be released.

If you are able to put him on your health insurance, that would be the first thing. Hopefully, you were not already in debt, outside of house payments, going into this. I would make Christmas as low key as possible and family should understand.

Do not be too proud to use food shelves. You are still employed, sure, but you are taking a big enough hit to justify going there until you are back on your feet.

I had had to live on welfare for a time and raised two children as a a single parent, sometimes without health insurance, so I now live below my means because I assume I can lose my job any day or finally snap and just quit because I can’t take it any more.

That said, I hope you can appreciate the fact that you still have each other and that your partnership is your greatest asset.

I am a widow and I would give my last cent and live in my car to have my husband back.

It will be rough going at first, but you will find your new normal. You will be okay.

Hardships are definitely the worst, but remember that everything is temporary. Keep striving to uplift your spirits. You do not want to get stuck in negative thoughts. Everything will be okay… Really wishing you and your husband make it through this difficult time stronger than ever 💜

I was one of hundreds of employees outsourced to a third party provider…same job but different employer (I had been with the original employer for 17 years). The third party provider retrenched 400 of us 18 months later. It was hard, we had three little kids (now 4 big kids). My immediate advice to your husband is go out and take on a casual job that gets him out of the house and keeps him busy during the day. This will help him organise his thoughts re: future plans, and it brings some money in, even if it isn’t anywhere near what he was previously earning. Rebuilding self esteem is really important right now. It took me six years to figure out, line up and kick off the new career. It worked for me and it can work for him. Take it one day at a time, and yes, like kalysti said, you guys will be ok.

Cobra is expensive but I would recommend getting it for the next month at least (if you’re in the US) and you should look into the exchanges. With the pandemic about unexpected healthcare costs could bankrupt you. Not the time to go without insurance.