If your friends and family tell you you’re being conned, you’re almost certainly being conned.

Con artists are professional predators. It doesn’t make you weak or stupid to fall for a con. It just means you had unmet needs that a professional was able to spot and exploit for personal gain. Again, you’re not weak or stupid. You’re probably just out of your league because you’re up against a professional.

If your friends and family tell you this new person in your life might be con artist, immediately stop giving that person money, information and access. If, in response, they try to convince you that everyone else is lying, that only they can be trusted, you can be certain they are, in fact, taking advantage of you. “Everyone is lying except me” is NOT a normal friendship dynamic and is very strong evidence you’re talking to a criminal. You will make other friends. There are plenty of fish in the sea. (YSAK I posted this on LPT and it was modded, so here I am)

I was conned by people who reconnected with me from childhood. They played on my desire for family and connection. Stole my identity, tax return, stimulus, etc. And i dont know if they will ever be prosecuted. The local police department have done absolutely nothing. The professional tax service they worked for has stinewalled me. My next step is federal, the IRS, and the FBI. I attempted suicide over it all, believeing it was all my fault and that it was because I would never fit in and I was a pariah. Going after her for revenge gives me a reason to stick it out, and since I have learned it wasnt me, it was them.

You’re all good, man. Do right by yourself first. Then worry about acting like a good person. You have to save yourself first, and then you can think about being a hero for others. You’re always welcome in my DMs if you want feedback from a fellow psycho/fuck-up/weirdo. (Not that I’m calling you those things, but those are things I identify with and maybe you do too)

This rings so true for me, it’s uncanny. Has taken me months to get past the “it’s not all my fault but it’s partly my fault” phase. It really screwed up my life and because it happened during COVID times, it was all the harder to recover from.

It sounds strange to those that haven’t been in that situation, but at the time of things ending, you would willingly go along with the deceit just to grasp on anything hopeful or positive. I’m lucky in that it ended with them moving to the other side of the world, to a place I could not follow…

Just FYI, best practices these days is not to attribute “success” or “failure” to anything related to suicide. A person who has suicidal thoughts could be susceptible to any descriptions of “failure” and could be encouraged to “succeed” at something that they have control over, i.e. taking their own life. Ideas of the best language to use re: suicide are always changing and it’s difficult to put oneself into the mind of someone who lives with these thoughts, but we should probably all try to do it, both individually and societally. We could use more empathy across the board, especially to those feeling vulnerable.

Coming from a person who’s tried so many different ways I lost count, I agree wholeheartedly.

Phrasing it as failure/success brings a huge amount of very painful emotions into play that are simply unnecessary. Not that it pushed me back to the precipice, but it did sorta knock me off balance emotionally at a time when what I needed was as much stability as possible.

It’s because, for me, my attempts were due to feeling like I’d failed at everything that mattered- and then I failed my attempt(s) to leave, which felt awful. Then, when that same phrase was used, “glad you failed,” the feelings of wishing I were dead and the will to make it happen came flooding back when my mind naturally responded with “I’m not.”

Just for some insight for any who may be interested.

Why sue in civil court, knowing whatever they may give me would only be gotten by swindling someone else? They are a couple of fat menopausal ladies and 2 20 something couples in bad relationships. The old ladies are on social security, the one couple is a junkie and an enabeling babymaker, the other is a sheltered princess who doesmt realize shes a long con target and her middle aged flunkie boyfriend. Its almost revenge to jist let em go live it out.

Honestly, if you’re a good person, you’ll never expect someone to even be capable of those things. You should have no expectations that such evil people exist and they’d do something like that to you. Don’t ever blame yourself for something like that.

The only times you would expect that is if you’ve had it done to you before, have seen it done, or are the one doing it.

Forgive yourself and give them what they deserve, to be behind bars like the animals they are.

The most important thing is that you release yourself from any blame and just be aware that shitty people exist from now on.

Amazing books that really help dig deep, gives you easy do’s and don’ts for developing healthy coping skills, healthy habits. Etc. Really worth the read. The reason I HIGHLY recommend these is because they focus on emotional neglect which is often (and understandably) overlooked in favor of more visible issues such as physical /emotional abuse. However emotional neglect can be just as harmful as any other form of abuse and Dr. Webb Really helps you understand how to improve your emotional health and heal from your past.

Six Pillars Of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden >The book demonstrates compellingly why self-esteem is basic to psychological health, achievement, personal happiness, and positive relationships. Branden introduces the six pillars — six action-based practices for daily living that provide the foundation for self-esteem — and explores the central importance of self-esteem in five areas: the workplace, parenting, education, psychotherapy, and the culture at large.

Most of these are available via The Libby App By Overdrive let’s you use your library card to check out e-books and audio books! FREE!

You can listen/read on your phone or use the Kindle (app or e reader) to download them there. Very useful and handy!

Also used older generation kindles with the e ink displays are available relatively cheap online- I got mine for around $40 bucks!
Therapy

All lf these are a good supplement (or prelude) but not a replacement for therapy. Whenever you’re ready and able to get therapy, get therapy. A good therapist can really give you personalized guidance.

Don’t be afraid to shop around for the right fit. If you’re having trouble finding the right therapist learning some vocabulary /what issues apply to you- so you can advocate for yourself more effectively with your therapist/when finding other resources.

Things to remember on your journey of self growth

Progress isn’t linear

Mistakes are normal and they do NOT erase your progress.

Be gentle with yourself, you cannot shame your way into improving

Don’t try to change every single thing at once. True lasting change is done incrementally over time.

Take breaks- and give yourself time to process!

Naming your emotions gives you power over them

Self Care is a must! It comes in many forms and what works for me may not work for you! Exploration is key.

Someone else’s abusive/neglectful behavior does not reflect your worth or value.

That sucks man, I hope you can find some solace in the knowledge that it wasn’t your fault someone else decided to prey on your deepest, unfulfilled needs. I also hope you can find some way to come to terms or peace with what happened, and decide to move on with your life, knowing there are better friends and opportunities out there just waiting to be found.

This advice might be just as much for me as for you, heh.

My stepmother is in a mlm. I have tried to convince her before investing her money that it’s a losers game, and she is being conned. She’s convinced that because shes 30 years older than me she knows best, and that I’m crazy. Always goes along with it

People get really rooted into their ideas, and it’s hard to break free of your pre conceived notion when met with new information. My stepmom has been in 3 mlms, mainly dotterra oils, though now she’s a part of cabbi. She never listens to me but always blows thousands of dollars with no sizable return (she’s never broken even either). It’s hard to convince people, so even though this is a gray tip. The type of people who would adhere to this tip after reading it aren’t the ones being targeted.

And the best are those people who don’t to listen to relatives and friends whose job it is to be good with money. When me and a friend where writing our thesis(es?) we tried to show someone how much they got ripped off in an mlm. We even used the promised numbers. But obviously we don’t understand how hustling works. The friend specialized in banking finance and I did auditing and managerial accounting. Some people just cant be helped.

MLMs are particularly insidious in my personal opinion because of how they catch their prey. They seem to deliberately go after married women with older kids. I think a lot of my generation is aware of the scam (although there are still plenty of wannabe #boss-babes), but the typical “suburban mom” often seems most vulnerable to the false promise of financial freedom. They’re offering power to contribute money to the family while still providing a traditional gender role by being home and on their own schedule. Our society has begun expecting women to be both a bread winner and a caregiver and these MLMs are usually marketed to provide an opportunity to be both. Women end up losing everything their family has trying to prove they can be everything to everyone.

Obviously every con targets those who are vulnerable for whatever reason, but MLMs are successful on such a large scale because they target a demographic our culture has made vulnerable. Many other “mainstream cons” — pay day loans for instance — prey on entire demographics made vulnerable by our society.

Like the OP said, victims of these predators shouldn’t feel shame or guilt because it’s not their fault they were vulnerable. Sure, it’d be nice if they could rationally see how they’re being taken advantage of, but we aren’t always rational people, especially when we’re talking about something as deep as a person’s self-worth. The best way to fight a con artist is not through reason and facts but by curing the deficiency that made the victim vulnerable in the first place.

Absolutely true. For some women, working is purely for self esteem (and nothing wrong with that), but most women work because they HAVE to work. The reason wives and mothers are more vulnerable to these MLM predators is because women are usually ALSO “supposed” to be caregivers, making the possibility of working from home on their own schedule seem like salvation — finally a way to care for their families and also provide.

Im sure there are plenty of women who do find the perfect balance in their lives, but most will never have that luxury in at least the current US economic structure. But we see these images of happy women with happy children and way too much white furniture that all just screams pinterest. They’re carrying a brief case and “being a boss,” somehow making it to afterwork drinks with the girls and also providing a three course, home cooked meal to their children. We want that life. So when someone comes along and offers you a chance at something too good to be true, you’re already dying for a reason to believe it can be yours. “Just have to hustle some, right?”

It’s more effective to support someone’s decisions while expressing your own personal feelings of worry that it’s perhaps some kind of con. Not try to convince them but own your own feeling. “I’m worried about this because I care about you, but I support your decisions because you’re an adult and I trust you can make your own decisions”. It still might not work, but you’ve got a better chance. It is basically literally impossible to convince someone they’re wrong, it’s just how the human brain works. We are all as humans susceptible to manipulation and false beliefs, something we also must not forget.

I had an employer exploit me. I didn’t have a lot of transferrable skills and my boss promoted me to a shitty salary mid level management job. He made me work a lot of overtime for free and promised me riches eventually. My family told me I was being taken advantage of. I told them they didnt understand my companies’ long game. The owner/boss’ long game was to fuck me over and never pay me a good salary and just use me…. Be wary of employers (especially at sales companies) promising big pay days … eventually… After you spend months or years at the poverty level.

I once had a manager trick me into joining a pyramid scheme. I was young and waitressing, working three jobs, exhausted and overwhelmed. In the middle of a shift my manager approached me and asked if I wanted to join her sou-sou. I didn’t know what a pyramid scheme was. She explained it briefly and told me, so-and-so is doing it, this other coworker is doing it, you’ll get thousands in a few weeks… Because I was in the middle of a shift and had tables to get to, and I just trusted my manager, I told her yes, and she took my phone and transferred $200 to herself. I had to get other people to join in, so I told my roommates. They told me it was a pyramid scheme, and lo and behold, my name was in a pyramid.

Needless to say, I was totally scammed, and I feel so stupid for falling for it. My manager left within weeks after.

If a manager/employer says “They’ll take care of you”, what they really mean is “AGREE TO ACCEPT NOTHING ALREADY!”

Very Succinctly: Had a job, was decent, I was under-market since I skilled up in the time I was there. Job was going away, another group in the company wanted me, I asked for 1.5x my current salary. Was told that she “took care of her employees”. I rejected, got laid off (yay severance!), got another job within a month making 2X my original salary.

Employees who accepted that she would “take care of them”? Last I heard they are still employed, but hadn’t seen a raise in years.

The only thing business will recognize/respect (and even then…) is a legal contract. Anything less and you’re just setting yourself up to be fucked over. They promise big pay days in the future for effort today? Great! That sounds like partial ownership in the business!

Yup, a similar move is a “promotion, with the raise forthcoming”

What that means is they want you to do extra work for the same amount of money you have been making, and if/when said raise does show up, it’s almost guaranteed to be smaller than they said it would be and/or you expected it to be.

There are so many ways you can get fucked over in business, make sure you’re at least paid for the privilege.

If they aren’t offering the money up front, just assume you’re going to get fucked.

Perfect example with my current employer…. I got promoted to a more senior role, and my pay increased the same check the promotion hit.

A prior employer, the raises were “handled yearly”, so you were pretty much guaranteed to get screwed.

One of my old classmates is involved with one of those MLM credit repair agencies. All she does all day is advertise her garbage on instagram and go to lunch with her fellow scam victims. She even posted something one day about how “most people who say something is a Pyramid scheme don’t realize their own job is a pyramid scheme”. I realized upon seeing it that she clearly was hearing all the right arguments from her friends and family, but was choosing to disregard it all in favor of this MLM company, and there was nothing a distant acquaintance like me could say to change her mind.

My grandma was at the gym and put her keys in one of those unlocked cubbies. Someone took them so she’s wandering around and a good looking guy in his 30s offers to drive her home and back where she has a pair of spare keys.

She starts thanking him and is so grateful and so he drives her back home. She lives in a huge retirement community and runs in to get her keys and he drives her back to the gym and what have you. He says he’s a pilot so he’s only in town temporarily, etc (why would he be at a gym if he doesn’t live there?)

Our whole family is like “wtf that guy was the guy who took your keys grandma who knows what he would’ve done to you why did you get in the car with him” but of course when he stole the keys, he didn’t think it would be an old lady and when he saw her huge retirement home he knew he would be busted if he came to steal the car later.

At first she didn’t believe us, but then she came around to agree and was lucky nothing happened to her.